Assembly Committee on Homelessness Recap
At today's Anchorage Assembly Committee Meeting on Homelessness, the Bronson administration revealed staggering costs associated with their proposed mass shelter.
Hey Assembly. I want to build a big structure and put some humans in it.
Q. Okay, where's it going to be built?
A. In Forrest Dunbar's District
Q. Nice! How many humans will be in the structure?
A. Well, I'm going to tell everyone 400, but eventually, I'll put anyone unpleasant looking into it. Hopefully 1,000.
Q. Perfect. How will you get them to go to the mass shelter?
A. I'm going to furiously issue tickets for jaywalking. They'll love me so much for that, they'll flock to Dunbar's...I mean, the shelter's location.
Q. Excellent. Who's going to run the mass shelter?
A. You're fake news.
Q. And how will the shelter be paid for?
A. We're going to beg the Progressive Assembly for a handout after having treated them like shitbags for a year.
Q. That's a great plan. How much is the shelter going to cost?
A. Oh, you know, five million here, another ten million there. CARESAct money is bad though, we don't want any of that. Remember? We said using CARESAct money was bad, bad bad. People even waged an email campaign to the US Treasury department saying it was fraud to use CARESAct money for such things. So definitely, we don't want to use those leftover funds.
Q. Amazing. Who's going to run the shelter?
A. Jim Minnery's Ministry of Grift
Q. Of course, and what are the annual operating expenses for the shelter?
A. No idea. We haven't thought that far ahead.
