Save Anchorage rebrands in heil mary bid to save embattled mayor
FOR IMMEDIATE SATIRICAL RELEASE
February 15, 2023
Anchorage, Alaska - To better reflect its mission of spreading baseless conspiracy theories, attacking news & media outlets, and harassing elected officials, the Save Anchorage Facebook group is excited to announce that it will soon operate under a new name — "Save Dave."
"We were completely blindsided when one of our own sent that demand letter detailing allegations of unethical behavior to Glorious Leader Bronson," said a Facebook account using a fake name. "So many people from the administration are resigning and fleeing like rats from a sinking ship. We're concerned nobody will be left to save our good friend Dave, so a name change seemed prudent."
"Look, ignore that Save Anchorage member Amy Demboski made all these serious allegations against Glorious Leader, okay? The truth is none of that matters. This group has said for so long that the radical socialist Marxist nasty nine or ten or whatever have worked with the unelected municipal clerk because there's a serious effort to silence opposing opinions in this city because PORTLAND and CALIFORNIA. We cleaned up garbage once which is why we file more public record requests than Project Veritas!!!!!!!!! I have been telling you all for months that the political machine is trying to CANCEL us by using that failed, racist left-leaning marijuana weekly to carry dirty water. Remember when I told you that the grounds to recall Dunbar and Constant would pass legal muster? WELL IT DIDN'T because what I think and how I interpret stuff isn't how government really works. It's all collusion and somehow all of this is connected to the George Floyd riots and the homeless who were very well taken care of at centennial campground because they could walk miles to buy food and water because the homeless are products of the homeless machine and have all kinds of money laying around TO BUY BASIC NECESSITIES. And what about all those non-existent make-believe 600 or 800 or 1000 emails from Tom Sconce with so many search terms that a right-wing blog scrubbed? Maybe the Blue Alaskan was Larry Willis! Who cares if a guy from Wasilla just trying to Save Anchorage pleaded guilty just because the FBI said he was in THE CAPITOL? Nobody because we're PRIVATE SECRET WHOLESOME AND HIDDEN. It's the ASS-EMBLY that is out of control because SO MANY CITIZENS LIKE YOU HAVE SAID SO. Remember when Save Anchorage member Maria Athens plastered Ethans BARE BUTT on Facebook? That was the REAL scandal! I even emailed the assembly and told them that he should resign and he did! WE. MAKE. THINGS. HAPPEN! Just look at all of those headlines about those yellow stars! We have done more to rip this city to shreds than anyone in the history of FOREVER and by god we'll see it burnt to the ground even if that means we have to hire more private investigators, harass private citizens and continue running propaganda ads with screenshots and 9000000 words in all 50 STATES to ensure Dave remains in power. CONFABULATIONS," said another.
The pro-Bronson Save Anchorage group was created by the former social media director of the Alaska Republican Party in July 2020 and has been dividing Anchorage ever since. Members of the press with questions may contact Reclaim Midtown's customer service department, located in the Philippines.
